And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
