we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so much tequila, so little girl.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
