She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
