what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
