According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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