i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
two words...techno handjob
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
