O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
