i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
