never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We left an ass print on the piano.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
