so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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