Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
