sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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