you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
