one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
