Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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