i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
