he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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