mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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