how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
