It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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