i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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