So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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