Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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