Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
