Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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