Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
