He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
