I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
