u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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