I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
