I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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