I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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