Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
