Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
