Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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