This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
