Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
