Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
