Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
