I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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