Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
