Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
