the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
