Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
