It's Friday. Sex?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
