What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
