But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everclear isn't food dammit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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