Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
