Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
