she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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