I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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