High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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