Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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