I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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