eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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