I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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