I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
