You just made me feel so damn special
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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