It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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