Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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