I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
