We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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