So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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