Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
