When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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