My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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